My last two posts described how Many Boys and Men are Struggling educationally, economically, and socially but that Men are Not (Solely) to Blame for leading in the “deaths of despair” from suicide, and drug or alcohol abuse. In those posts, I suggested that men who act immaturely are somewhat to blame. However, we also need similar programs and policies that help the needs and rights of females. This post is about addressing fatherlessness, which is one of the many reasons that many males are failing in America.
The Decline of Fatherhood
According to the organization, Fathermatters, America is rapidly becoming an absentee father society. The importance and influence of fathers in families has been in significant decline since the Industrial Revolution. David Popenoe, a professor of sociology at Rutgers University believes “If present trends continue, the percentage of American children living apart from their biological fathers will reach 50% by the next century.” Popenoe argues “this massive erosion of fatherhood contributes mightily to many of the major social problems of our time…Fatherless children have a risk factor of two to three times that of fathered children for a wide range of negative outcomes, including dropping out of high school, giving birth as a teenager and becoming a juvenile delinquent.”
Unfortunately, popular culture and the media tend to ridicule fathers. Instead of encouraging dads, they are portrayed as unnecessary idiots who are of no value to the family. That messaging impacts how men feel about their parenting abilities and sets the wrong standards.
The Father Factor
According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 24 million children in America live apart from their biological dad. Consequently, approximately 80% of single-parent homes are led by single mothers. This means one in three kids – nearly 25% of our youth, are growing up without a father in the home.
Research by the National Fatherhood Initiative shows when a child grows up in a father-absent home, they are more likely to:
- Live in Poverty: Children in father-absent homes are almost 4x more likely to be poor. (U.S. Census Bureau)
- Suffer Emotional and Behavioral Problems: Children of single mothers show higher levels of aggressive behavior than children born to married mothers.
- Greater Risk of Infant Mortality: Infant mortality rates are nearly two times higher for infants of unmarried mothers than for married mothers. (National Center for Health Statistics)
- Go to Prison: One in five prison inmates had a father in prison. (Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs)
- Commit Crime: Study of juvenile offenders indicated that family structure significantly predicts delinquency. (Journal of Youth and Adolescence)
- Become Pregnant as a Teen: Teens without fathers are twice as likely to be involved in early sexual activity. They are also 7x more likely to get pregnant as an adolescent. (Child Development Journal)
- Face Abuse and Neglect: Compared to children living with married biological parents, those whose single parent had a live-in partner had more than 8x the rate of maltreatment overall. They also experience over 10x the rate of abuse, and more than 6x the rate of neglect.
- Abuse Drugs and Alcohol: Youth are more at risk of substance use without a highly involved father. (Social Science Research). Adolescents whose fathers were drug abusers revealed that paternal smoking and drug use lead to strained father-child relationships.
- Suffer Obesity: Obese children are more likely to live in father-absent homes than are non-obese children. (National Longitudinal Survey of Youth)
- Drop Out of High School: Students living in father-absent homes are twice as likely to repeat a grade in school. Father involvement in schools is associated with a higher likelihood of their children getting mostly A’s. However, over 1/3 of students in the typical elementary school classroom are growing up apart from their biological father.
On the positive side, involved fathers build a strong foundation that dramatically lowers the risk for these poor childhood outcomes.
The Spiritual Battle for Fathers
My friend, Kent Evans, Executive Director, Manhood Journey and writer of the Foreword to my book, Get Out of Your Man Cave: The Crisis of Male Friendships, believes the fatherhood crisis is a spiritual one and Satan is working against us.
Kent writes that Satan hates the very idea of a father and has attacked fatherhood from the beginning. The evil one wants you to disengage from your family when you consistently work evenings and weekends. The devil wins when a young boy wonders whether he has what it takes as he watches another YouTube video. The devil wins whenever a young girl gives in to any boy who will give her attention as she posts another pic online. Everyone loses when teenagers have no one to coach them through life. The child loses when there is no one to ask questions in the evening or because their father is physically or emotionally absent. They both lose when he doesn’t show up to their school activities. If Satan wins over a dad, he gets the kid and future generations.
The good news is that the Bible tells us that Satan loses his battle with God in the end. But the evil one will keep trying so we need to win the fight for fathers. We can start by developing better fathers. More godly fathers.
Male Loneliness Affects Fatherhood
In my opinion, one of the main reasons that boys and men are falling behind is our deteriorating connections. The epidemic of male isolation means men no longer have the type of deep friendship to help them through life the way many women do. New dads need mentorship from other experienced fathers. They need the ability to seek advice and be vulnerable without fear. They need someone who can understand what they are going through. All fathers need friendship with other men who have experienced fatherhood in positive ways and become engaged fathers themselves.
Loneliness in fatherhood goes way beyond having a spouse. Whether they are at-home dads or not, the lack of meaningful connections among men has left a massive hole in their lives. Too many dads are disconnected and alone, so let’s return to the most basic concept of community, which comes through deeper, more authentic friendships among men. Our children’s future depends on it!
My next post is about the wounds created by an absent father.
[Feature Photo from LinkedIn post, The cycle of fatherlessness]
