My last post in this series, The Barriers to Male Friendship, continues to make my case for 2025 as The Year for Better Male Friendships. In this next post, I want to remind you that we all have the qualities to be a good friend. You’re fun to hang out with and personable. You are experienced, mature, or even well-connected. You are the kind of person who people want as a friend. Once they find you have similar interests or hobbies, you’ re on the way to developing a new friendship. However, as you get to know each other better, you may see that guy has one glaring trait that drives you crazy that could make him a lousy friend. But just remember, you also have flaws. In fact, you may be “That Guy” and not even know it!
Yes, it’s hard to admit we all have characteristics that may keep you from being a good friend. It may be a goofy laugh, a nervous tick, or an OCD-like obsession with perfectionism. It could be body odor or bad breath that’s undetectable until you are within a few feet of each other. Maybe you talk too much or come across as the expert who has the answer to everything. These days, it could be a different political affiliation or ideology.
The reality is that we all have some bad traits. But those traits should not keep you from pursuing friendships with other guys who are not like you. Just be aware others may avoid you for the same reason.
The Traits of Lousy Friends
Steve Kamb, founder of NerdFitness, provides a very funny description of bad friends in a guest post, Don’t Be That Guy: The Taxonomy of Lousy Male Friends which I found years aho on one of my favorite websites, The Art of Manliness. Kamb describes several species of friends, some of which are far more deplorable than others. Some seem creepy. But they all have something in common: they irritate the snot out of people. They can also be a barrier to friendship.
As you read each of the descriptions, note the hilarious “scientific” names for each (edited by me for brevity). More importantly, look at yourself first before you look at others. You may be one of these lousy friends and not even know it!
- The Poor Sport (Crybabial Sporticus) – Dreadful to play against in any sporting event or competition since he complains incessantly about bad foul calls. He has a temporary loss of arithmetic skills when keeping score. He also never accepts blame for a loss. In his own mind, he can do no wrong.
- The Mooch (Dudicus Moochalum) – Never has any money, doesn’t bring any food to an outing, and instead leeches off of those around him. His wallet always gets “accidentally” left at home. He’s also a pain to track down for repayment of any money he borrowed.
- Mr. Unreliable (Amigus Bail’Outicum) – It’s never known if he is actually going to show up, no matter how many promises he’s made. Often signs up and then backs out at the last minute. “On time” to him usually means at least an hour late. Getting him to commit to anything requires an upfront financial deposit. Gives a noncommittal answer so he can bail out at the last minute. He often sends a lame excuse via text message, thus avoiding confrontation.
- The One-Upper (Betterum Than’Youicus) – Reeks of superiority and elitism, is a constant name-dropper. Must always ensure that he appears the strongest or the best, had the toughest life, drank the most beers, and/or met the coolest people. Has a strong sense of insecurity, causing a need for constant affection and attention.
- The Fibber (Fullofum Crapolakis) – Can stretch the truth like a penny-pincher stretchs a dollar. Known to tell dull stories he feels are way more exciting but are completely unbelievable. Also also known for creating inane excuses when trying to weasel out of any scenario. Is closely related to Mr. Unreliable and the Poor Sport for similar “lack of truth” qualities.
- The Flip Flopper (Fencium Sitterus) – Having no opinion of his own, the Flip Flopper will alter his beliefs depending on who he’s talking to and who he’s trying to impress. Is generally classified as an invertebrate for lacking a backbone.
- The Loud Mouth (Pieholus Gigantum) – This chump cannot keep his mouth shut, whether it’s keeping a secret, talking during a movie, or putting down another friend who is not around. The Loud Mouth generally should not be trusted with any important information unless it needs to be shouted from the rooftops.
- The “Takes It Too Far” Guy (Over The’Lineicus) This poor soul lives life to the extreme a little too often. He’s generally the one that always gets WAY too drunk at parties, takes jokes too far after they’ve become unfunny, and gets offended over things that nobody else would ever take personally. Tact is pretty much non-existent.
- “The Garbage Man” (In’lovum with Jesses’girlikus) – The Garbage Man has no problem attempting to date his friend’s ex-girlfriend. He lacks the skills to move outside of your social circle and meet new people. The most despicable variation of this species will attempt to date his friend’s current girlfriend, which generally results in an ass-kicking.
Based on the current trends in social media use and addiction to digital devices, I want to add one more to the list: the friend who overuses his technology. Here is my description:
- The “Byte-head” (Tech-no-friend-asaurus) – This guy buries his face in his phone in every setting. His device is permanently attached to his hand. He spends all his free time immersed in online or mobile gaming such as Fortnite, Minecraft, Mario Kart, or PokemonGo. He doesn’t engage in active conversation when in a group. This guy is distracted and lacks focus.
Do you recognize any of these traits in yourself? If so, what can you do to help become less irritable and more friend-worthy?
No One is Normal
John Ortberg writes in his book, Everybody’s Normal Till You Get to Know Them that for all our quirks, sins, and jagged edges, we all need Community. It’s one of our most fundamental requirements. A community is a group of flawed, abnormal people who overcome the forces that can drive us apart. It is a group of friends who come together in life-changing relationships.
One of my favorite Bible verses related to friendships is Proverbs 27:6, “Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.” The idea of this verse is that true friends are willing to offer honest feedback, even if it is painful. They do so because they care about each other’s growth and well-being.
That principle is the essence of my GodBuddy concept: men need deeper, more authentic friendships that are honest with each other. They need a community of brothers who help each other become better men.
So enlist a GodBuddy to be honest with you about your shortcomings. Sure, he may tell you the truth, and the truth often hurts. But so does not having any friends!
Feel free to share your experiences about being “That Guy” in the comments below!
NOTE: This post first appeared on March 10, 2019 and was updated for this current series on The Year for Better Male Friendships.
