As I reflected on my last two posts, Fear: He is a Liar, and Developing a Healthy Fear, I’m reminded that we all may get stuck in a big decision due to fear; afraid to take that leap into some unknown circumstances. Many of us But I believe that good friendships play a vital role in your decisions as does prayer, which helps you conquer your fear so you can live up to your full potential as a mature adult man.
Former New York Yankee catcher, Yogi Berra once said “When you come to the fork in the road, take it.” Berra, the brilliant baseball player and manager, (not the Hanna Barbera comic book cartoon bear) was famous for his comically wise sayings known as ‘Yogiisms’ about taking the fork in the road; “It ain’t over till it’s over.”; “Baseball is 90% mental. The other half is physical.” and “It’s like deja-vu, all over again.”
Everyone will inevitably reach that proverbial fork in the road about the big decisions in life. How do you make the tough decision to go one way or the other?
Men Fear Change
As men, we’re often conditioned to be the “rock” in our lives. We’re taught that vulnerability is a weakness and that we should have everything figured out. This mindset can make any change in our lives feel like admitting defeat or failure. Without a strong support network, these fears can become amplified and we begin to think:
- “I don’t have anyone to fall back on if things go wrong.”
- “Who will understand what I’m going through?”
- “How can I appear strong when I feel so uncertain?”
Here’s a secret: seeking support for big decisions is not a sign of weakness—it’s a strategy for success.
Every successful man you admire has, at some point, faced their fears and taken a leap. They weren’t fearless—they were brave. They faced the fear of change head-on and embraced it. Relying on their experiences and wisdom is one way to overcome your fear of making the wrong decision.
Facing a Big Decision
Early in my mid-40s, I was facing a big career decision. I was considering leaving the company where I worked for the prior 15 years and the industry in which I had spent my entire career. I was no longer challenged in my current role and disliked the changes occurring at the company. The industry was heading in the wrong direction. Bored in my role, I was ready for a change.
There was some comfort that I would follow a former boss to this new and expanded role. With 3 young kids at home, a mortgage to pay, and a wife in a new job herself, there was risk involved. I feared putting it all at risk if made the wrong decision. The former boss and I had met several times to discuss the position which seemed like a great opportunity. All we needed was buy-in from the company’s owner.
The Powerful Support of Friends
Throughout my decision to change jobs, I confidentially reached out to a few people in my network. In most cases, they encouraged me to make the change. They shared their experiences with job changes and helped me look at all aspects of the decision. I trusted the opinions of my confidants, who helped me conquer the fear of change.
But some of my closest friends, those I consider my GodBuddies, asked me an important question; “How much are you praying about this?”
The Unexpected Power of Prayer
During my younger days, I would not have even considered praying about my big decisions. However, I had worked through a struggle with workaholism that teetered on depression several years earlier, which led me into my church’s men’s group where I formed some deeper, more authentic friendships I call GodBuddies, who taught me about the importance of prayer.
One day after a day full of sales calls, I happened to be heading back home not far from the location of what could be my new employer. I recalled my friends’ encouragement to pray about my decision so I stopped in the parking lot of my potential employer and prayed, “God, if you want me to take this job, make it happen.”
Several days later, the job offer fell through. It was not the outcome I expected! I’m not sure of all the reasons but I stayed at my current employer and enjoyed a great back-half of my career that enabled me to retire early.
The Truth about Conquering Your Fears
Big decisions and seasons of change can be confusing, overwhelming, and just plain crippling at times. They need a lot of thought and wisdom. But here are two truths:
- Fear is not our enemy—it pushes you to personal growth.
- Prayer is powerful— but may not lead to the outcome you desired.
For those of us who have learned to trust in God’s plan for our lives, prayer can help overcome worries and fears. Philippians 4:6-7 reminds us, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God”.
While most decisions in life are ultimately yours to make. Gather information. Check with your closest confidants and seek their wisdom. But make sure you also include prayer in the process and trust in God’s plan for your life. He can help overcome the fear of change and guide you through the decisions that help you reach your full potential as a man.
Wisdom for Men is based on my opinions on topics that help men become better men. The sources used for these posts are not fact-checked, but support my theory that men are better with deeper, more authentic friendships. My GodBuddy theory is based on biblical principles but applies to all men, regardless of their beliefs. Better friendships among men will help solve the crisis of male friendships and many of today’s problems… because the world needs better men!
